sarcastass: (Default)
And what does a demon do when he finds out he's no longer in a world he has any form of jurisdiction over?

Well he was actually already criminally lazy to begin with so honestly not much has changed.

It is a sweltering summer day, so for once he isn't actually wearing a blazer. That's been tossed on his shoulder, his sleeves rolled up and his shirt with a few buttons undone.

Really this was actually the first time the fallen seraph had been in public at all, the blinded being comfortably lounging at a cafe with his ornate cane resting against the table.

Yeah he still has all the usual suit clothes and waist coat on, yeah its ninety plus degrees out.

No he doesn't care, this is the most comfortable he's been in a long time, its about goddamn time the weather got good in his opinion.
sarcastass: (Default)
Personal Information
Name: Squid
Age: 27
Personal Journal hailthenarc
Email / AIM / MSN / Plurk: AIM: Squiddlypeon, PLURK: Squiddly
Current Character(s): N/A

Character Information
Name: Szelhamos
Age: "30"
Appearance: Tall and thin, with a sallow sort of look to his skin and somewhat Eastern European features. His hair is jet black and pin straight, and usually kept back in a pony tail. He always has dark glasses on, to hide the fact that he has no eyes is blind, and usually dresses in fashionable, expensive clothes. He always carries a cane with him everywhere, the grasp styled to look like a fat golden orb spider. A very pointy character, he looks handsome, but oddly jagged, like he's made from needles.

[DEMONIC] A massive, ten foot tall cross between a spider and a human, the torso of an emaciated angel fused to the body of a fat Brown Recluse. The same long, neat black hair is present, but his eyes are covered with a filthy, blood stained rag, and his face has been mutilated in a Glasgow smile. At any point in time he could possess six burning, useless wings on his back, they're really more for show than anything else, and his fingers are abnormally long and sharp. The same go for his teeth, every one of them needle like.

Character history: Szel's history is tragic. He's the very definition of a survivor, having made it through several different layers of mental and physical abuse, an upbringing that left him stunted and confused, and a punishment that was too cruel for anyone. It's a shame that instead of learning to move past it and continue with life, he hung onto these past injuries and turned them into a fetish.

Szel was created as a seraph in heaven, named Levanael. He was placed under the direct influence and control of Camael, the angel of Joy, and the king of Seraphs. However, Levanael was a different sort of seraph. Darker, shy, lacking confidence and unable to speak up, he was more often than not left out of most other tasks that involved the work of a class as high as seraph, which left his superior, Camael, at a loss of what to do with him. Unable to accept that this seraph may just need specific treatment, Camael believed that Levanael's feelings and personal safety should be top priority. Instead of exposing him to disappointment, consequences and allowing him to make mistakes and join the rest of the seraphs, he secluded the strange, darker angel from the others. Though his separation from the other angels protected Levanael from any sort of criticism or threat of being hurt, it left him wondering if he was considered equal to the others, or if Camael simply saw him as too weak to care for himself. Usually alone, he took to spending time with the smallest, weakest life in heaven; the insects, and made a close pet and friend of heaven's equivalent of the firefly, a flicker beetle. Doting on the insect and assuming responsibility for it, he named the bug Midge, and took to keeping him tucked away inside a sleeve on his robe.

In time, Levanael was made the librarian of heaven, which opened up many, many doors for the seraph. It wasn't long before most angels came to him for information, and perhaps a touch of gossip, as with his inclusion to the inner most sanctum of heaven's most powerful tomes, he seemed to have become a great deal more... omniscient than he used to be. It was hard to miss how the library hummed with insect life, butterflies and dragonflies calling it home, and how two angels visited it almost religiously, one as bright as the morning, and the other as pale as the moon.

Lucifer fed on Levanael's self doubt, and encouraged the librarian to rebel. He insisted that Levanael could only ever find equality with the hierarchy of heaven overthrown, and that he would prove to Camael that he was more than powerful enough to care for not just himself, but command armies. It was the dark seed to a terrible fruit, and in the library, Levanael used his gathered knowledge to craft a weapon for himself. This was beyond what was usually acceptable, as most angels accepted their weapons from their superiors, based on what was needed, and what their superior believed would suit them. The golden lance Levanael created was formed from the stingers of wasps, and the fangs of spiders, layered in yellow chitin. Under Lucifer's thrall, and spurred by his own feelings of inferiority and anger, Levanael took his first step into darkness and slaughtered a young seraph with his new weapon.

In a panic, he locked the doors of the library, even as heaven called down vengeance against him for the senseless act of violence. Camael himself pleaded at the doors for entry, but met with only curses from the terrified seraph inside, he broke open the doors and confronted Levanael.

Not much is known of the fight inside, save for that it was very short. Levanael was hurled from the heavens, after Camael struck out the sight of both his eyes.

Lucifer was not there to assist Levanael when he fell, and blinded and weak, he became prey to stronger fallen angels, and received pain beyond what most mortal bodies could stand. During a fight with one, his mouth was torn apart, leaving him permanently scarred. He was almost utterly alone, save for the meager presence of Midge, the flicker beetle, who had fallen with him from heaven. However, as a heavenly being, and not nearly as strong as Levanael himself was, the bug was slowly withering away. Levanael, unable to accept that his one and only friend, insect or not, was about to die, called on what he remembered from the library, and imbued the insect with new, hellish life. The act required a sacrifice, and, too weak to collect another donor, Levanael threw away any chances of being healed and tore out his ruined eyes, using them to construct what would soon be his closest and most valued ally.

As it was in heaven, the insects of Hell gathered to wherever Levanael hid, and it wasn't long before the fallen angel as pale as the moon, Beelzebub, heard tell of this strange fallen brother with the knowledge of heaven still trapped in his head. He went himself to meet with this fallen wretch of an angel, and it is not known what he truly offered Levanael in exchange for his servitude. Perhaps it was protection, power, knowledge. Or all three. But in the end, Levanael was finally ground out from the universe, and Szelhamos rose in his stead, powerful and terrifying, vengeful and bitter, filled with dark obsession and driven by an addiction to ever increase his sphere of knowledge and his scope of power.

To this day, Szel is a 'patron saint' of drug users, the bitter and angry, and those who seek revenge. Ever willing to feed the obsession, he's a dangerous demon who never forgets a face, or a mistake.

Personality: Szel at first blush is... catty. Camp and catty. Most demons would describe him as a mincing perfectionist, someone obsessed with things being just so, who doesn't forgive an error. He's flamboyant, but classily so, a strange mixture of a wine obsessed housewife and a fashionista. Szel is absolutely obsessed with looking good at all times. He must exude power and influence at every point in the day, even if he isn't actively attempting to be intimidating. He's gossipy, back biting, sarcastic and petty, and thrives off of attention, mostly positive, but he also accepts fearful worship, angry grandstanding in order to catch his attention, and heroic types threatening to kill him. Because that means he's important enough to get the attention of and threaten.

So, he doesn't really appear that dangerous on the surface. Like any other back stabbing second in command, surely not that hard to outwit and defeat, probably physically weak and a coward at that. On that, one would be horrifically mistaken.

Szelhamos, first and foremost, is deeply loyal to Beelzebub. While he'll talk trash about Lucifer any day of the week rain or shine day or night fuck that nasty ho, he will never say a word against Beelzebub, and never has a negative thought of him. Second, he treats his dearest and most powerful servant, Midge, with never ending amounts of love and respect. At least as much love as his dried up, black little heart can give. When together, the two speak to each other like a doting married couple, constantly complimenting each other, and always willing to assist the other with anything they need. And third, Szel is... very powerful. While no where near the level of a Prince of Hell like Beelzebub, Szel's power is terrifying. With less than a drop of his blood being as poisonous as a brown recluse, and able to concoct various drugs with his own biology, Szel is a walking bio disaster. Capable of shifting between an false angelic shape, a human shape and his demonic form, Szel is an expert liar, and can be charming and sweet if he feels he must be. Many humans beholden to him refuse to accept that this entity could be evil, as he seemed to have just appeared at their darkest moment, and pushed them to become something so much more.

Scheming and vile, he takes no issue with using people to act as shields, not just in combat but in life in general, surrounding himself with the innocent and easy to fool. It's amazing what one good little girl's word can do for you. Both in Hell and on earth, he's a hard one to find, despite all his attention to looking good and demanding attention. If he doesn't want to be found, like the spider he has become he can simply cut himself off and appear to vanish from society for long periods of time. Of course, this would befit Beelzebub's favored spy.

That being said, he is terrifically vain to begin with. Slights towards his appearance will gain a lot of anger from him, especially if he doesn't have Midge on hand to assure him he looks and is fine. Unable to actually see himself, and deeply self conscious about the hidden mutilation to his face, he's always unsure about whether or not anyone can actually see how hideous he's become, since his fall. He's weak to holy water, and to powerful holy attacks, and is as blind as a mole. He can't see a single thing, as he doesn't have eyes anymore, and without Midge must fall back on his sense of smell and hearing to guide him, rendering him much slower and much more unsure of his actions. The insecurity he once had is still, in fact, there, buried under a built up superiority complex. Feeling stupid, trapped, weak or helpless triggers a violent reaction, and he's not the best thinker when he honestly feels he's been run into a corner, so used to having an escape route for so long.

Szel is a mask, hiding what very well might still be a frightened and shy angel under scars and years of abuse. Or perhaps Levanael really and truly is long dead, and if you peel away the bandages, all you find is a hollow, dead husk unable to function as a person. Still, he's horrifically dangerous, emotional and violent, even if he pretends to be a gentleman and a trustworthy companion. A liar and a murderer, nothing he says should ever be trusted, and nothing he offers should ever be taken.

Powers and Abilities: Poison Blood/saliva: With his blood powerful enough to kill a man, he's fully weaponized it. He's not afraid to cut himself and spray it if he has to, and has no shame of biting like an animal, though these two things really only happen if he feels he has no other routes of attack.

Lance: Attached to his demonic shape and only capable of being used while a demon, Szel's lance is connected to his arm by a long, black, external artery. Attacking this artery will cause him to lose blood rapidly and weaken him (if not kill him), but of course that leaves the issue of really fucking poisonous blood everywhere. The lance can be used to inject his attackers or victim with small to large amounts of poison.

Nails: Like his lance, his fingers can shift and form into needles themselves, where the concoctions he creates can be administered. These hellish doses are what he delivers his demonic gifts with, either causing a drug fueled high, or inciting strength or speed beyond what most humans could fathom. However, they are all highly addictive, and it's deeply suggested one does not attempt to actually obtain any of these chemicals.

Insect Communication: From the tiniest mosquito to the biggest ugliest spider, Szel can chat it up with any amount of insects and command them. Thing is insects and bugs are stupid AF, so he's kind of relying on them to get the basic idea and generally listen to him. Hell bugs are a lot smarter after all.

World Summary: In a world, where angels and demons are real, and fairies could be your next door neighbor, where the President is directly influenced by Heaven itself and the world is on the edge of meltdown, one demon has the brains and the intuition...

To not touch any of that, stay at home and eat dingdongs all day.

Szel comes from a world that is steeped in magic. People have been openly aware of things like Szel, angels, fairies and cryptids for a very long time. Actually, the conspiracy theorists have to make up conspiracies about none of these things actually existing if they want to remain relevantly insane. The president of the United States is a fairly well known angel, though not well known enough to be mentioned in the bible, which was a part of the smear adds until the angel himself reminded people he's a fucking angel. It doesn't help that most of Congress are demons however. Unicorns are real, and are actually a general threat to society, bands of pixies and trooping fairies roam gardens and congregate around street lights and ruin windshields

TDM posts (unless it's for Network), links, and examples for posts from other communities are not accepted.


Third Person:
sarcastass: (Default)

Player: Squid
Contact: AIM: Squiddlypeon
PLURK: Squiddly
Age: 26
Current Characters: N/A


Character: Szelhamos
Age: "Twenty nine" (About as old as Hell)
OC Type: Pure OC
Point Taken: Modern era Earth.

World Building:
It's 2016. The president is an angel, the top pop star is a siren, your neighbor is a gnome and this is all just hunky dory. That is because that which was once considered fantasy has finally revealed itself to the world of the mundane as real, and has thus... become mundane. People no longer double take at the unicorn pooping diamonds in their garden, some beaches are off limits due to being a known siren cove, witches are a protected minority and the mafia is pretty much all run by dragons.

The world of the bizarre, the paranormal, the strange and the fantastic are basically split into five groups: Feral, Verbal Feral, Fairy, Demon and Angel. Feral supernatural beasts include the chupacabra (which was revealed to actually be a pair of rapidly reproducing breeding pets accidentally left in Mexico by careless interdimensional travelers), gryphons, manticores (though this is occasionally up for debate), and other beasts that while possessing great magical or supernatural power are not intelligent enough to communicate. Most of them are as common as rabbits and there's a booming industry for getting your yard clear of your awful bunyip infestation.

Verbal feral would include unicorns, dragons, enchanted magical disney like animals that are usually nasty assholes that want a free meal, and anything else that has a specific animal shape it reverts to, while maintaining full sapience. Second most common and likely to be bumming around a nature park near you like a hobo.

Fairies are self explanatory in one sense, but in another it would take far, far too long to list what applies in this section as subspecies of fairies are as limitless as subspecies of beetles and ants. Just as common as verbal feral creatures, these beings are the most likely to be found in neighborhoods, being That Neighbor that leaves Christmas lights out all year and actually keeps turning them on every night. They're known for being obnoxious, loud, pushy, full of energy, hyper active, talkative, and great people to invite to parties. Herein is where most of the current celebrities lay, like Lady Gaga, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Andy Warhol. They tend to stick out like a sore thumb with their strange personalities, odd philosophies on morality and life, and uh... interesting fashion sense.

Demons are very rare to actually encounter, as in this day and age only young, try hard up and coming snot nosed punk demons bother rampaging around earth and taking over the bodies of dumb kids who think a great idea for a party game is contacting old dead grandma on their Hasbro Barbie Brand Ouija board. Most demons vastly prefer to stay in hell, lording over the souls they've amassed while they were young, and bitch about their coworkers behind each others backs. Like Linda. That whore. The higher class and more important the demon, the more they can't really be assed to bother with the surface world, and many have taken the liberty of torching their old summoning books that were scattered on the surface. Occasionally, one might pop up for a Northern Vacation, mostly because it's pretty trendy in Hell to grab the newest most modern form of fashion and strut around Dis like you're Donald Trump. Demons are generally unpleasant. Because they're demons. Again, the higher class the demon, the more subtle and snide they become, still obviously unpleasant but more classy. You can generally tell a demon is young and stupid because they'll be the ones with the half shaved head yelling curses at and peeing on the elderly. It's just a phase. They'll grow out of it.

Angels are by far the rarest, and generally only show up to elect themselves as official ruler of whatever country they feel needs Jesus the most. America's current president in this day and age is a pure blooded angel, but not a Biblically mentioned one. This was mentioned in a smear campaign against him, but he brought up the reasonable argument that "do you really want those assholes as a president? Uriel set two cities on fire, come on." Gabriel is currently the only other angel present on earth aside from the President, and acts as a major political figure in the UK. He's refused to tell anyone which version of Christianity is the best version, once throwing his hands up in the air and stating "just tape some bibles to a dart board and start throwing". Angels however are usually very rule oriented and lawful. Not... always 'good' just... 'lawful'. Recently the entire race came under fire when a well known angel of justice committed several acts of terrorism, setting a few mansions on fire in L.A. while announcing he was going to sink the entire state in the Pacific ocean. Thanks to the quick intervention of Heaven, no one remembers how this was resolved, why those houses were on fire, who told all these crazy bearded homeless men that California was going to sink, and why their nose was bleeding.




Alignment: [Choose from one of the following: Aiada, Daimonia, Elios, Peromei, Piphron, Sosyne, or Thras. Refer to the proper info page for more information and be sure to include a very brief reason why you chose the alignment.]



Sample: Remember that the sample needs to show both 1) core character portrayal and 2) some use of emotions, either as an environmental effect or discussing why a character is not feeling anything at all if they are more apathetic or less emotional than most. We highly encourage using the Test Drive, and you can use prompts from the Test Drives, Intro Logs, and the Task board if you need them. Refer to the main application page for links and more suggestions.

sarcastass: (Default)
"Master." Midge scuttled about the pile of wires and assortment of slumbering insects, looking for the demon buried within the nest. He was in there. Somewhere. Obviously ignoring the fact that he'd been summoned almost five minutes ago. As at loathe to go to the surface as Midge was, rules were rules and they had to follow protocol. He burrowed between the wires, slithering down until the faint, reddish glow of the center of the spider illuminated the 'walls' of the nest. There he was, 'napping'. Or at least as close to napping as he got after the fall. A state between awake and asleep.

Therefore, still perfectly aware. The growing scowl at the demons mauled mouth showed he was awake.

"I am not going up. I quit. I simply will not go up there, again, for some silly stupid girl who wants her pet carnivorous spider to eat her cheating boyfriend. I'm not doing it, I'm too important, I'm too tired, I'm too old, I'm too pretty and I'm too good for that." Midge clambered up to his masters shoulder, resting his face close to the sliced cheek of the spider.

"It is hard, Master. But Lord Beelzebub will fuss if you don't put forth at least minimal effort." There was a long groan from the beast, running a clawed hand through his hair.

"Can't you go up and pretend to be me? Just assume the shape of some giant tarantula and chew his face off. I'm sure she won't know the difference." Midge patted that face with one tiny, clawed leg.

"There there, Master. At least we know you're the only one good enough to handle this? I would just ruin the entire affair, you know that." He cooed softly to him, stringing the long black hair through the barbed foreleg. The pout on the spider's face was deep and obvious.

"Don't be hard on yourself, Midge, I'm sure you could easily chew a humans face off without any trouble, you're selling yourself short." A coo right back, his temper easing as the bug started to coax him out of the bundle of wires.

"Nonsense, Master. I don't have half the knack for making an impression as you do." Even though the paltry soothing of his pride wasn't necessary, he accepted it nevertheless, slowly crawling out of his nest and readying himself for the shock of hitting the freezing air above him.

"Well... I suppose you're right on that front. No one has the same Shakespearean skill in theatrics as I do." Midge purred, crawling onto the spiders chitinous black abdomen, getting comfortable on the heated exoskeleton.

"There's the Master I follow. Shall we be off?" The spider ran a few fingers through his hair, straightening what was essentially already perfect.

"Of course, Midge. Lets hope it's a short affair this time."


The offending 'silly, stupid' girl of the hour was standing ready at her hastily made alter in her basement, the offerings before her. Apparently a rat would do for fresh blood, and as far as a proper book went, well... she dug up her high school history book? The summoning just said a book, it didn't say a good book. She'd dressed for the occasion to. What would a demon from hell like to see a girl in anyway? Apparently, Hot Topic corsets and combat boots with a short, frilly black skirt and black lipstick. She thought she fit the part of a demon summoner, and when the scent of sulfur and scorched meat blew through the basement with the explosion of heat from the center of the summoning circle, she prepared herself.

Surely, it'd be like it was in the books? A handsome man in a smart suit, toying with his familiar. The summoning had said he was a servant of Beelzebub, whoever that was. Hopefully it was something to do with cats or crows. The earth rumbled, and she took a deep breath, the room filling swiftly with thick, black smoke from the circle. An awful sound, like metal shearing against metal, and hollow, sharp clicking, hit her ears and grated against it, and she covered her mouth with a hand to try and keep out the scent of burning, rotting meat.

That wasn't how it was supposed to go in the books at all! Where was the handsome man and the awesome giant black ca-

A thick, armored, dagger sharp leg slammed into the concrete, followed by the sound of seven others following suit. Claws dragged across the floor, following by a disgusted hissing and snarling. It... sounded very angry, and when the smoke cleared it was obvious why.

He was far too large for the basement, forced to almost lay with all those spider legs tucked up close to him. He just barely fit inside the circle, no wonder the summoning demanded it fit certain specifications. But it was... hideous! This was no handsome man in a tux, its face was split in a permanent, mutilated smile, even as the corners forced itself down in a displeased scowl. Did it even have eyes? It's face was bound in rotten old bandages, stained black by old, foul blood. It looked emaciated, vicious, ugly. The girl gagged as it's... familiar she supposed, a massive, three foot long bug, crawled off its abdomen and onto one bony shoulder, staring at her balefully.

"... Master, I am very sorry about the space."

"Well it's not your fault." The girl choked, and the bug coughed, staring at her pointedly. The demon turned its sightless head in her direction, sighing dramatically.

"Alright, here we are. Forgive me for not wanting to put a good face on, you caught me in the middle of a nap." He sounded so annoyed, but the fact that it seemed more reminiscent of one of her stuffy professors gave her a little more courage.

"I... I summoned you to-"

"Eat Mark, your cheating ex-boyfriend. I know, I saw it, it was part of the summoning, please don't remind me." His clawed fingers delicately rubbed his temples. "I really should have chosen the smaller form, if I had known you lived in a lunch box, I would have dressed for the occasion. A pox on me for a failure to do research." Oh, so he was... stuck up too. Well that wasn't going to work, she was his mistress. He had to listen to her! And probably call her mistress too, she didn't have to tolerate that! She drew herself up a little further, taking a deep breath.

"You will call me mistress while you work for me! This is my house and my circle, and until our contract is complete, you listen to me and-" The demon cut her off with a sharp sound, again, like metal grating against itself. It screamed and screeched, and she slammed her hands over her ears to block it.

"I'll call you whatever I like, it's 2015 now. We've modified things to suit the times, and as far as I'm concerned you're Miss Andrews. Further more, you've given me the ludicrously easy task of eating someone. Not tormenting him, or torturing him, or even giving him the curse where all he smells are eggy farts for the rest of his life. Just eating. It takes fifteen minutes and then our business is done, and when it is, with an attitude like that, I suggest you start booking tickets for the next continent because you're grating on my nerves." Also... not how this was supposed to go.

"I... I thought you were supposed to... follow me around and be my servant unti-"

"Until you die? No. Absolutely not. If, perhaps, you were summoning me to help find and kill the person that murdered your family, I could understand being forced to live under the same roof as you for a few decades. As it is, Mark is two blocks away and drunk. Ergo, this will take less than fifteen minutes. I can drag it out to fifteen if I demolish the entire block to hide the fact that an ancient evil erupted from the center of the earth to eat a man, but fifteen is the maximum amount of time I'm going to spend up here. However, I could be convinced to not drag you down with me immediately if you pay me in things that make me happy." He seemed like he'd done this before. Everything about this seemed like he'd done this a million times before, that shit eating smile on his face said it too.

And she really didn't want to be eaten in fifteen minutes.

"Okay! Alright look, fine. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I'll... I don't know, what do demons what?" Her mind strayed, and with a resigned look, she reached for her corset. "I... I can give you..." The bug made an aborted gagging sound, and the look on the spider's face was that of comical horror.

"NO! No that's fine, really, I couldn't possibly ask. I'll take food and a book that wasn't written for fifteen year olds in the eighties." Well, that was a lot better than gross spider sex, and she sagged in relief.

"Okay, yeah, fine. I'll take you to whatever restaurant you want, then we'll go to the book store. Fine." The sigh of relief from bug and spider was loud indeed. Small mercies.

"Thank you. Now, I can't possibly get from here to there like this, excuse me while I slip into something more subtle." There was a hideous cracking, and visceral popping, and she sharply looked away, gagging just at the sound of it. By the time she looked back, expecting to see something just as hideous...

There was a man. A tall, elegantly slender man in a fashionable black turtle neck and black slacks, an elaborately designed cane with a large, fat golden orb spider decoration at the grasp. If it weren't for the keds sneakers he'd look too rich to be here. That long, black hair was still there, neat and straight as a pin, and while his eyes were milky and wandered sightlessly, he was a great deal better looking than he was before. She slightly regretted not taking off her corset. The bug slithered off his shoulder, setting before him as he rested a hand on his hip.

"Midge, you don't blend well."

"Sorry, Master."

"What's the fashion these days in pets, is it still falcons?"

"That was the middle ages, it's 2015 Master." The man rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Of course, pick something... small, compact and subtle." In an instant, the bug started to twist and reshape, going through several different incarnations, before what looked like the worlds fuzziest, fattest, most ridiculous corgi shaped itself. Miss Andrews stared, but the spider seemed very pleased.

"You know me too well."

"Oh, Master, you'll make me blush."

"Now now, dogs don't blush. Or talk. Come along, Midge, we've work to do. Remember, fifteen minutes." And with that, they simply... weren't there any longer. The girl was left standing there, flummoxed and agape.

Did that even happen? She needed a drink. Hopefully in less than fifteen minutes.
sarcastass: (Default)
'Szelhamos', as he prefers to be called in this current era, is old. Very old. Way too fucking old to be dragged out of hell for the petty affairs of humans. He used to like being woken up to go rampage around and eat cheating boyfriends and start wars but now it just seems all very stupid to him and he'd vastly prefer being in the confines of hell where it's warm in his nest. He personally took the liberty of destroying most of the books with his name in it in the middle ages, and only a grand total of five people still actually have copies of the book that contains the method of summoning him.

He was once an angel, specifically, a seraph, put in charge of heaven's library and documenting the history of the earth and heaven. He was good at his job, and well known for being highly intelligent, if something of a gossip, with his finger in every pie and eyes and ears everywhere. Lucifer saw a useful ally and swayed him into rebelling, but unfortunately, he was rubbish at combat at the time and had his eyes struck out by the king of seraphs, Camael. He was then cast into hell with the rest of his brethren.

The first couple centuries of his new life were, of course, miserable. Because it's Hell, and he was rubbish at fighting. Just some gossipy bookworm who couldn't even read anymore. Needless to say, many of his more eternal scars come from this period, such as the Glascow smile mutilation. He quickly learned that he had an affinity for bugs and insects, and began to use these beasts as his eyes, learning their language quickly enough and amassing a collection of tiny stinging, biting, vicious little poisonous pets. This attracted the attention of Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies, who took an interest in the shattered, broken and blind former seraph. Learning of his prior position, Beelzebub took Szel in, and gifted him with a new body, a stronger, deadlier, bigger shape with painful, but powerful abilities.

Now as hideous as he once was beautiful, the newly created spider got fully into the business of being a professional snitch. His body had putrefied his blood, to the point where it was far too toxic to be imbibed or injected, so he quickly set about weaponizing it, connecting his former weapon turned sight cane of a spear to his own body. It wasn't going to be enough that he knew what everyone was doing at all times, he didn't want to be hated. Or at least, not just hated. He wanted to be feared, to gain power over those that had once abused him and damaged him for the mistake of being weak. During this era, his proficiency at fighting improved, as well as his general power, and he began to make more powerful servants. His favorite, and to date oldest servant just goes by the name of 'Midge', and the spider dotes on him dearly, like some beloved family pet that just so happens to be able to talk as well. So far, nothing has happened in their relationship to give him reason to change this, and comparably, he is a better master than many other demons would be to their created servants.

This isn't to say he's a kind person. He's not, at all. He gained power by devouring others, and taking in the souls of those he killed. He took a special love of mutilating beautiful people and demons, personally torturing everything from pretty young women who had tumbled their way into hell, to beautiful succubi who accidentally got too close to his lair. Men are just as likely to be forced to play a game of 'find where I hid your legs', and he personally gnawed a few choice pieces off Mark Antony.

His interest in humans used to be full of hate, something to break and torture and destroy. As he's aged though, his temper has cooled, and now at a decent several million years old, he doesn't really give a shit about people anymore. Most souls never see him, even the ones in Beelzebub's lair, and on the rare occasion he sees fit to leave his nest, everyone gets about one full minute of a very busy, very distracted spider skittering through the halls before he vanishes into another room. Most of his servants do his spying now, as he can see and hear through them, and as Beelzebub's most favored servant due to his competency, it goes without saying that he's in his position to stay.

Szelhamos has lost whatever ambition he once had, and is now entirely comfortable with where he is. He never had a need to rule anything other than a collection of pets, and he is awash with knowledge and always up to date on whatever is going on in hell at that time and place. He's pretty much good with everything he has and sees no reason to aspire to be anything else, which would go a long way to explain why he's still so powerful and well liked by his master.
sarcastass: (Default)
The priest stood outside the ancient, massive old building, his heart seated firmly in his throat. He knew what was past those doors. He had heard stories of the thing that lay in wait in there. An ancient evil, a being that was second only to Beelzebub himself, a carnivorous, intelligent, deadly monster just waiting to red apart Gods followers. Even protected under the Crooked One, there was no way of telling whether this ancient evil, this old spider would even follow those laws. Kani stood not too far away, distinctly uncomfortable.

"How's about we go get ice cream instead?"

"No... no we have to go in. I have to go in." Cassian stated firmly, clutching his books close to him. One was an offering. The old texts demanded a book be brought to the creature, an old being such as itself was drawn to knowledge. Hopefully the more recent text on genealogy would placate the old beast. He'd seen pictures of it, a hideous mash of angel and spider, a human body with eternally burning wing stumps sitting atop the thick, fat abdomen of a massive black spider. It's face was eternally rent apart in a Glasgow smile, it's webbing was metal and wires, it's spittle was venomous, and it was endlessly scheming. Perhaps it already knew they were outside, debating on going in. Kani grabbed Cassian's shoulder, trying to edge some magic into his voice as he tugged on him.

"C'mon, Cassy, lets go back inta town, get somethin' ta drink. I'll go ta yer favorite cafe with ya, buy ya all the vanilla chai's ya want-" Cassian shrugged off his hand, heading into the open, creaking doors and the dusty, ill tended hallway without a word. The siren hung back for several minutes whimpering and pacing, before chasing after the priest. "CASSY!"

"We're going. Only... only he knows, Kani. Only he knows what I need." The hallway seemed near endless, winding down through several stair cases until they were deep, deep underground, where no natural light could catch them. It didn't grow colder as they descended, rather, the heat rose, until sweat collected on Cassian's brow and Kani removed his hat and fished out a fan.

"Cassy..." The siren whined, but Cassian could see the light in a massive doorway ahead of them, a fireplace or a furnace buried deep within the most far reach pits of the house. The sound of the fire roaring and crackling was almost deafening in this silent, black pit, and Cassian steeled himself before the door, taking a deep breath and mentally preparing for the charnel house nightmare that must lay on the other si-

"Are you going to stand there and breathe out of your mouth all day?" The annoyed voice snapped through the darkness and past the doors, hitting Cassian like an arrow. The priest froze. That... voice... didn't sound like some all powerful demon. Actually it sounded like a reedy, annoyed, prissy college professor interrupted in the middle of a lecture. Kani blinked owlishly and stared at Cassian, and the priest edged past the door, staring into... A massive, beautifully decorated and carefully lit library. The fire was not some soot belching furnace, but a massive and intricate looking fireplace, decorated with massive stone gargoyles and statues of marble angels. Some of their wings looked like they were snapped off, but other than that it was very impressive. The voice called out again, somewhere to the left of this grand display of knowledge and finery.

"Yes, you. Are you struck with some nasal issues or are you just that unfortunate?" Cassian snapped towards the source and was met with a thin, sickly looking man, pitch black glasses perched on a pert little nose with a thin, disapproving mouth set under it. His hair was as black as the void and neatly cut to a reverse bob, off setting pallid and ill olive colored skin. A massive book was open in front of him, but for all the world Cassian couldn't guess how this man could see it: He was obviously blind. He opened his mouth and made a few aborted sounds, and the look of annoyance grew on the mans face. "Did you come to show off your magnificent fish impression?" Okay no, Cassian finally spoke up after that.

"No! No I was... I need... your... I need your knowledge for-" Not fast enough the man cut through his stammering.

"Spit it out, you only have seventy years left to talk." Cassian took a deep breath and tried again.

"I need to know something regarding the Old Gods. Crom Cruach-"

"Isn't an Old God, just an Old One, honestly where did you read any of this, what idiot is writing these books now?" The man slammed the book shut and stood, snatching up an ornate cane and heading in Cassian's direction. Now the priest smelled it, the scent of burning flesh and sulfur, and he recoiled. This man was their demon? This man was the spider? He stumbled back as the tall being approached him, but he didn't have to worry much, he stopped a respectable distance away, if not a bit further away, sighing as if this was the most tiresome thing. "You came to bother me for knowledge of Crom Cruach. Fine, what's the payment?" The payment-

Cassian held out the book, and the demon snatched it, flipping it open to a random page. His fingers slid over the paper, and Cassian swore he saw words sinking into the demons skin as if the ink was still wet. The being hummed thoughtfully, continuing to leaf through, before a sharp, small smile finally erased the annoyance and he snapped the book shut.

"This will suffice. At least you didn't show up with a screaming woman like the last one did." Kani made an aborted choking sound, and the smile turned slightly more unpleasant. "He insisted on gutting her in the library, it took me a week to wash all the stains out of the rug. So what did you want to know about him." Cassian had to push past that unpleasantry. This was a demon after all, though Kani looked like he wanted to strangle him.

"Is he... still alive? Does he exist in this world anywhere, or is he locked in another plane like the other- ... Like the... Old Gods are?" He corrected himself quickly, he saw the demons face twisting in annoyance at the almost mistake, and he didn't want to subject himself to a lecture.

"He's very much alive, just dead." Well that made sense. Cassian stared at him in what was now growing annoyance, and the demon flashed an awful, shit eating smile. "Well... dead for us. Just as the Great Priest Cthulhu lies dead and dreaming. Someone will make him wake up eventually, I'm sure. For an old dead thing, he can be very persuasive in gaining new followers." It was something, at least, Cassian relaxed a little as the old demon turned his back on him, heading towards some place far back in the library. The priest slowly followed, Kani edging along behind them nervously. The demon continued, fishing a ring of keys from... somewhere. Hard to tell where he pulled those from.

"The old one, Crom Cruach, was put to 'rest' by Saint Patrick, the man who drove away all the snakes in Ireland. The beast remains sleeping beneath his biggest and most elaborate sacrificial mound. You'll only find it if he wants you to, for even while dead, he is cunning and picky." The demon stopped by a door, slipping the key into a lock and turning it. "Don't follow me inside. While I can certainly stand this room, you wouldn't last a second. So unless you're particularly interested in self cannibalism..." Cassian took a few steps back, the demon smiled, and vanished into the room for just a moment. He arrived back with an old, oddly colored ancient book, thrusting the tome into Cassian's hands. It smelled dusty and oddly rotting, with a leathery, flaking cover. He was at loathe to touch it, but grasped it anyway, staring at the demon blankly.

"What am I to do with this?" The demon shook his head, grabbing Cassian's shoulders and marching him back towards the main room.

"Read it, you dunce. As much as I would just treasure every moment talking about billions of years of old dead monsters, I'm afraid I just can't spare the time for you. Don't leave the library with it, there's chairs. If you try to walk out with it, I can't promise it won't attempt to eat you." Well, there was a good reason not to leave. Kani looked miserable, but Cassian settled into a large, overstuffed chair with the book, staring as the demon headed back to his desk... and went back to reading.

"I thought you were busy."

"I am. Busy not talking to you." The priest took a deep breath-

"And don't do that awful mouth breathing thing or I'll toss you in the fireplace." And he sighed and opened the book.

So much for getting it the easy way.
sarcastass: (Default)
"Mien herr, the spell components are in place, the ritual is ready to begin." The black robed figure at the front of the massive, circular room picked up the ancient, massive old tome in front of him, gesturing for the speaker to stand to the side. Similarly clothed men stood gathered around the carefully drawn symbols on the floor, ancient incantations written in long dead runes running in a spiral around the central dias. The unfortunate subject in the middle? A young woman, no older than nineteen, dressed in meager rags and bound to the dias, sobbing uncontrollably.

No one seemed to heed her distress, closing the circle around her and starting to chant. The head of the circle, the black robed man, clutched the dusty book close, his quavering voice slowly building to an intimidating, powerful crescendo. It boomed around the chamber, filling it with demonic and filthy speech as the circle closed tighter and tighter around the hysterical young woman, pulling at her binds and screaming to an uncaring room for help that would not come. An ornate dagger was raised high in the air, and drawn sharply across her left arm, spilling her blood onto the dias.

And it was like a silent explosion.

All the air condensed into a point in the room, and the violently blew outwards, scattering the throng into the walls and laying the woman out flat on the dias. The book was blown back and slammed heavily against the floor, the head figure collapsing breathlessly as the stench of sulfur filled the room, the entire chamber becoming unbearably hot. With sweat and tears pouring down his wizened face, the leader stood, peering into the center to see what they had brought-

... It was a bug. A big bug, about three feet long with six spindly legs and a heavily armored body. Grotesquely large eyes rolled about cartoonishly in its head, while a human like mouth grinned behind pointed mandibles.

"Greetings, mortals! The master sent me ahead to tell you he is deciding to run late today! Something about your offering not having the right color dress for the occasion." This. Was not. What they had wanted to summon. Angrily, the leader stormed towards the center, trying to swipe the bug off the woman and the dias.

"Where is the demon! The demon we summoned, the demon who is bound by hells law to arrive under these conditions!" The bug skittered under the summoners arm, perching right on top of the woman's ample bosom, the very confused, no longer panicking woman.

"He said it was too predictable and he wants a more interesting summoning. He also wanted me to tell you he's more in a steak mood tonight." Well. Now the enraged summoner managed to get a hold of the bug, attempting to find a neck to throttle on the small creature. "Don't lose your temper with me, I'm just the messenger! "

"Listen here, bug, go back to your master and inform him that if he does not appear, I shall force him to come up and make him pray that he was incapable of feeling pain any lo-" And the bug vanished, a gentle tsk rising up from the general area of the dias.

"Rude. I give you some useful advice and you throw it back in my face. Midge was only trying to be helpful." The summoner backed away as a black shape began to slither up from the central dias, taking the edge of it where there was just enough room for a rump. A figure started to form, long and elegant, draped in the ancient clothes of a traveler. Dusty boots, a worn tan cloak, similarly colored pants and shirt. His face was young and a sickly pale olive color, sleek and sophisticated black hair cropped to a reverse bob meeting at the chin. In one hand, a wooden staff blossomed, in the other, the insect, wrapped around his arm. Sightless, milky golden eyes wandered about the room, a displeased pout on the ill looking traveler's face. "Honestly, you wake me up in the middle of a beautiful nap with a screaming, hysterical woman and expect me to do you a favor? At least steak doesn't beg me for its life, be considerate." ... Well no one knew what to make of this. Certainly not the woman. The leader gaped for a moment, before trying to shake it off and immediately posturing towards the pale figure in the center.

"Oh mighty demon! We summon you and request that you aid us in the upcoming battle! Slaughter our enemies and-"

"Midge what is he doing. Do people honestly still talk like this? You told me people had grown past this now." Well the demon was officially uninterested in this entire affair. The bug, Midge by name, tapping a skinny leg against the demons arm.

"It's considered tradition, master, it's how all humans talk at a summoning, I'm sure it's written in the book somewhere."

"Tell him it's annoying me. I refuse to talk to him directly until he starts talking like a sane person, I won't be seen with maniacs." And the bug turned its baleful gaze on the summoner.

"Master said-"

"I HEARD HIM!" This was getting annoying. The leader shuddered, rubbed his temples, and continued.

"Alright, how about, we'd all be right chuffed if you went out and ate a great deal of people we don't like, does that sound any better to you?"

"Marginally. I didn't hear a please, but nobody's perfect." Over the sound of the summoner groaning, the demon gave him a smile, one that barely showed enough teeth to be considered unpleasant. "Take your offering and do something entertaining with her, I have no interest in the creature. I'll tear apart anyone you want in return for a proper meal, a decent place to rest, and access to your library and current weapons. Midge, what are they carrying these days, is it interesting?

"There's an invention called the gun, master. It's like a crossbow, but with smaller ammunition and far more deadly."

"Wonderful. I want one of everything. And oh, Master." The summoner suddenly froze, the demons pleasant and conversational tone instantly turning sickeningly sweet. "I won't hesitate to snack on your circle if my demands aren't met. Your blood was in the summoning, not theirs, so they aren't covered under the protection, and I don't particularly care for any of them. The books and the guns. Immediately." The summoners mouth went dry, and he nodded sharply, dismissing the group from the circle. They split to allow the demon and his pet to move, the staff tapping lightly against the ground as he felt his way out.

This was going to be a fun era.


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July 2017

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